brysonisgood:

I want to make a movie called Patrick Batman, starring Christian Bale as a rich man named Patrick Bateman who spends his days being very rich but feeling alienated, unable to relate to other humans or understand their emotions, and his nights fighting criminals and villains like the Joker and Scare Crow to avenge the murder of his parents. He gets the idea to dress as a bat and call himself Batman after the “e” is left out of his last name on a Netflix advertisement he receives in the mail. 

As the city’s crime problem gets worse and worse, so does Patrick’s inability to handle day to day interactions with the people around him. One moment he’s getting trapped in a giant funhouse by the Joker and the next he’s being upstaged by the business cards of that idiot Luis Carruthers! 

It ends with Batman being arrested for trying to fight some cops who he thinks are henchmen of some new evil threat. He is visited in jail by Doctor Pennyworth, his psychiatrist, who explains that every night, for months, Patrick has been putting on a black hoodie and running around the streets beating up total strangers. Pennyworth plays a voicemail from his phone that Patrick had left only hours before. The voicemail, in which Patrick distinctly remembers giving Alfred a detailed description of his location and the danger he was in, in fact contains nothing but Patrick singing “Sussudio” by Phil Collins at the top of his lungs. 

(pictured above is the proof-of-concept that I devoted my life to creating over the course of 5 or 10 minutes. Yeah I know, it’s pro.)